Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
WAKE UP, SHOW UP, and GROW UP work requires radical responsibility for how we hear and speak.
My take on the name is that it is intentionally provocative. Yet the title itself is what held me back from opening myself to it when I was first invited to it quite some time ago by a trusted friend who seemed certain it would resonate with me. I struggled to see what I was observing as a coach and as a human to be violent in any way. Now, after finally beginning to take in all that Marshall Rosenberg invites us to notice and reconsider, I am forever changed. And the gaps I experience in all the wisdom of Conscious Leadership and Radical Candor feel bridged and empowered by NVC. All that to say, if you feel in any way distant or even an aversion to the name, as I did, please do read and explore onward.
At the core, NVC invites us to receive what is alive in others and express what is alive in us. I have come to believe that at the root of most of what gets in our way, is the way by which we have learned to speak and hear. Learning to be conscious of the words we use and hear, as well as our context, invites us to not simply live “by-me”, it invites us to live powerfully “through-me”. Nothing will create a safe space for radical candor and personal growth more than becoming intentional of the words we hear and speak.
In applying this very simple process to how we hear and speak we begin the awakening of learning to hear and speak beyond the messiness that can so easily occur in relationships both personally and professionally.
NVC Process
The concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being
How we feel in relation to what we observe.
The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings.
The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives.
There are two parts of NVC:
Expressing honestly through the four components.
Receiving empathically through the four components.
Words are Windows, or They’re Walls
Written by Marshall Rosenberg. Recorded by Shane Saunderson.
I feel so sentenced by your words
I feel so judged and sent away
Before I go I’d like to know:
Is that what you mean to say?
Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?
If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words
To the feelings that we share.